Is it difficult to know your sexuality?

If you find it hard to think and understand your sexuality this is what you have to do, I will explain the keys.

Although we have come a long way as humans and we have discovered a lot of things about our human sexuality in several decades, we still have a lot of things to learn and understand. Our attitude towards gay, lesbian and transgender people has also changed over the years, as a result of which many people have come out because they are no longer afraid to say what sex they feel they are. But it is important to say that many people are still against it, and there is still a lot of derogatory situations towards this kind of people.

The area that is becoming very fashionable is that of bisexuality, bisexuality is something that is being accommodated to many of the tastes of people, what this does is that you do not have to declare yourself to a specific person, one time you can like a boy and the other a girl, it depends on the attraction that each person transmits to you. The fact that nowadays bisexuality is also very fashionable is that before we saw everything as black and white, it couldn’t be something between the two things, you had to choose between one thing and the other and many people, due to situations or experiences, wanted to combine black and white as they pleased.

Although now the idea that a person can feel that he or she can be brought by several different sexes at the same time is something that is still not seen as a good thing. Humans like labels and the idea of one person being sexually attracted to two people is not at all accepted by many people as it defies the norms of labels.

According to psychologist, John Clay, women and men who feel heterosexual are much harder to come out to than those who consider themselves gay or lesbian as such. This is because people who consider themselves bisexual think that the people around them will associate them directly with their preferred sex, but the problem is that they like both. Homosexual people of the same sex, on the other hand, are people who take this for granted and don’t usually mind saying so.  Because of this, trying to come out of the wardrobe is a challenge for many people because they think they may be burdened by rejection from their loved ones and friends, which can cause a lot of anxiety in many people.

A study carried out by the Brain Institute reveals some very surprising data, explaining that three quarters of the gay and lesbian adults they interviewed revealed their sexual preferences to most of their friends and family, whereas those who were bisexual had been asked if they had told their friends and family and less than 20% of those interviewed had told their loved ones that they were bisexual.

The possible explanation that psychologists had come up with was that there is a continuing refusal to consider sexuality as something that changes and flows according to the stage of life, people are used to a rigid and definite idea about these issues. This means that if you are gay you will be gay for the rest of your life with no option to change this fact.

The big problem with this is that many people believe that people cannot be classified into rigid, never-changing categories.

Expert psychotherapist Daya Bernal has been treating and helping bisexual and homosexual men and women for 30 years, and says she tries to help and improve the relationships and problems her clients have. She says that the problem with social taboos is that they are just for our comfort in talking and should not exist, the role of experience and opportunity is very important when it comes to talking about things.

Sexuality

Daya in her years of experience tells how she has witnessed the collapse of these categories which she imagined would be very difficult for them to disappear. The experience she has had with her clients has made her take for granted how these labels have been disappearing, she tells of a case in which she explains how one of her clients started talking to her as a heterosexual and then realised he was gay, and the same thing has happened with women. She also has clients who came to her saying they knew they were gay since they were 6 years old and from then on they have not changed their minds at any point in their lives. The conclusion she draws from her experience is that you don’t have to know right away if you are gay, straight, bisexual, whatever, you will find out if you are, but what you don’t have to do is feel the pressure to label yourself.

Don’t rush to find a conclusion and a name as a label, take your time and don’t feel that pressure on yourself.

Dr Daya says that recognising and confirming bisexuality in a safe way is a very complex thing because people need time to think and think about whether they are really attracted to people of the same or opposite sex. Hesitation does not mean that the person is bisexual, but it is important to give enough time to explore the type of attraction between people of the same or opposite sex. It is important to try to experiment with both sexes and then develop your own conclusions according to your taste and what pleases you the most.

The psychologist strongly advises to seek out a qualified therapist or counsellor with whom you can share your feelings and all your thoughts, which she recommends to all people who have problems because of their sexual orientation.

“If you have a therapist accompanying you on your journey of sexual discovery who you consider as a friend you will create a safe space to verbalise your feelings and then explore them in more depth, this will give you a great advantage compared to going down this path on your own, try to avoid this and always try to be with someone who can advise you.

Along the way you also need to be prepared for anything and be emotionally resilient. Along the way you will meet people who will give you negative responses, both homosexuals and heterosexuals. I advise you to first of all tell someone you trust so that they have a good reaction, don’t tell anyone else until you have told that person you trust, so that during your journey you will have a support to follow and turn to at any time when you have problems. It is also very important to know that you can do things at your own pace. The decision to share your sexual preferences is a very personal one and not everyone is interested, so you should only do it when you feel comfortable with yourself and with that person.

Sexuality

The final conclusion of this article is that you should not be influenced by anyone, do everything your body tells you and do not think about what other people will say, look for a support and let him know that you will also be there when he needs you, keep your life private and only tell him when you feel confident enough to do so, each person chooses his own path so I encourage you if you are trying to come out of the wardrobe and you are going through a bad time.

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